She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
