she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
