im having a threesome with these popsicles
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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