Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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