You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
