he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
