i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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