the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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