I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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