I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
