I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
