I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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