I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
