You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
