Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
