So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
