Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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