Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
