So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
