I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
