just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
