when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
