I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
