This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
