What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the day after is always just damage control
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
