If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
