Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
