Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
