i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
