you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
