he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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