she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
