I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
