somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
