I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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