I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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