I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
