So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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