Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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