it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
