not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
