Apparently you make a good broom.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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