Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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