I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
