The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
