I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
