Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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