Just fell off a train. Bad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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