i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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