i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
