her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
