you're like a bully in the Christmas story
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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