I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
