Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
